She's JV to your varsity
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
