I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
