Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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