She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
