Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
