I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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