I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
