Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
