you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
