dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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