The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
