that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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