Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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