I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
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Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂