yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
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If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
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The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
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