ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered