can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
