Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
