i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
