My underwear smells like fireworks.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
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does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
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Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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