I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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