You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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