the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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