This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
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