Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
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