There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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