well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
