at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
