I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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