He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
