the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
