if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
