We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
