I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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