I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Is Oprah even human
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
