I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Found your dick twin last night
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
