i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
