i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
