I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Randomize
