She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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