this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
