shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
