So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
