Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
