I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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