I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
