He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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