Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
