so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
