dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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