im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
