anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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