why didn't you poke me back
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
