i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
