Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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