I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize