Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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