I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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