I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
