well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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