she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
