so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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