The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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