Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
