I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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