so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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