the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
