I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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