I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
