Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
