Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
