i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
