i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
